If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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