I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
