You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
