you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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