I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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