Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize