she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
