A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
