Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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