you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
