i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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