i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
