Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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