I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
