Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize