I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
