Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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