I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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