I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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