how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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