I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
