i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
tell me about the fingering
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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