There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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