tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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