Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You just made me feel so damn special
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
