bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
