I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
