What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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