She said her name was "party"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
