I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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