dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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