i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
