Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
