tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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