Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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