omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We have started to decorate penises.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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