I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Are we still banned from the library?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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