Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I want to make a zoo with you.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
