there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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