please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
