i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
