I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
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