She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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