I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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