he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
sex in a hospital.. check
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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