God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
