Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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