What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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