We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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