drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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