I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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