I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
