Me. At least after what I've been through.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
