Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
