i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
