Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
