well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize