i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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