HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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