Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Quick, to the slutcave!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
