I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
