I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
