I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
