Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
