I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
