you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
