I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
