the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
