I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You're like the curious george of whores
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
