hotel room ftw
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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