Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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