i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm both gender and math confused
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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