sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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