please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
