Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
