Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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