I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
