wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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