how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
