I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
