Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
